It’s Okay.

I haven’t updated for awhile because I haven’t been motivated to write and it always takes me a few weeks of readjustment when I travel for a long period to/from Europe (it was like culture shock part 2 for me! . I could do travel recaps (I still need to do my WHOLE eurotrip, Madrid, and Paris the second time around), but I just haven’t been in the mood, as I feel like my mind has been somewhere else 90% of the time since I returned to Spain from the USA. I’ve always had a wandering mind….I day dream a lot and “zone out” all the time. Sometimes when I’m daydreaming, I get an fixated on idea, which quickly becomes a new goal and incorporated into my life. I remember last year, all I could think about was backpacking Europe and living in Spain. Before I entered my freshman year of college at Ohio State, I got the opportunity to participate in the Leadership Collaborative with 80 other incoming freshman. It was a great experience which really motivated me to get involved and make the most of my college experience prior to beginning. At the Leadership Collaborate, we did the Strengths Quest. I will never forget that one of my top 5 strengths was futuristic. 

But the more I think about it, I’m not sure futuristic is a strength. Yes, when I do things, I tend to see the “whole picture” and how it will effect the future, however it leads me to spending hours thinking about the future instead of living in the moment. It also leads me to question what I am doing. I don’t have a degree in education and don’t want to be a teacher (it’s a lot harder than it looks!). I think one thing that high school and college ingrained in me was a sense of being on a “timeline”. In college, when you are a freshman, you meet with your advisor and plan out your timeline of classes FOR THE REST OF YOUR COLLEGE CAREER. Knowing what I was doing always gave me a false sense of security. There was always the question of “what are you doing after you graduate?”, but other than that, for five years I always had a clear sense of what I was doing, why I was doing it, and what came next. Post grad life is different. It’s the first time in your life you aren’t all following that same path. You can’t compare yourself to what you see everyone else doing, because you all have different end goals. And you most definitely cannot put yourself on a timeline. If life was meant to be a rigid timeline, it would be called plan

If there’s one thing living in Spain thus far has taught me, it is that it’s okay. It’s okay to question what you are doing. It’s okay to not have everything figured out right now. And most importantly, it’s okay to live completely in the moment.