What the hell am I doing?

Okay, so since September hit, the whole “I’m moving to Spain this month to teach English thing” got more real. It’s quickly become less of me daydreaming about my life in Spain, to more of me realizing that I will actually be on a plane, to Spain, at the end of the month. To be honest, I’m having mixed emotions about it. I have spurts of excitement, then waves of doubts go through my mind. I’ve actually gotten the hang of working full time and having a (still pretty college-like) post grad life since I graduated in May. The doubts I’m having are fueled by the fear of the unknown. This is possibly the craziest thing I will ever do in my life, and at 23, I still feel really young to be taking such a leap.

But when else in life do you get the chance to take such a leap? Never.

While moving to a foreign country is different than moving away from home to go to college, the emotions I am experiencing are very similar to the ones I experienced the few weeks before I left for college: everything you’ve been talking about and thinking about is finally happening, and all of the sudden you’re unsure you want it. But the difference between college and now is I’ve had that experience, and I know I want it. I learned a lot in college, but the most important lessons I learned were outside the classroom. The lessons I learned through each different experience, that no text book, class or professor could ever teach. With each new chapter of life comes new experiences and an opportunity to grow more as a person, which is why I know I want to move to Spain.

In the beginning college was a new, exciting adventure and after reflecting back to myself freshman year, I wish I could go back and experience everything over again. I wouldn’t change a thing, just relive those emotions. But now I’m realizing I have another chance to start a new adventure, and I couldn’t be more excited.

There is beauty in the uncertainty. There is beauty in having no expectations. There is beauty in adventure.

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5 thoughts on “What the hell am I doing?

  1. I totally understand! I go through the same thing every time I make a transition in my life…. I start from being super excited about 3 months before hand and then once it is about a month away I get extremely nervous and anxious. But through all of my travels you never regret going and you are always pushed in ways you can’t even imagine!And from every adventure you will learn more about yourself and who you truly want to become :) It is simply amazing. Thanks for sharing your thoughts! Always helpful to know there are others feeling the same way!

  2. I’m definitely starting to freak out! I feel like I’m almost too old to be doing this- 24- and need to establish myself in the professional world here in America….buttttttt this is definitely something we won’t regret doing :)

  3. Pingback: The Spain Struggle | Wanderlust Kait

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